Affair Proofing A Marriage
There is a great deal of research that has been done on the common factors which lead to affairs. Affairs create trauma to the spouse of the unfaithful partner. Forgiveness and trust can be extremely difficult to regain. Often, the relationship is doomed. While common factors are useful to know, the best approach may be preventative.
Some qualities of marriages which often are present when affairs occur are high conflict, low emotional warmth, neglect of pleasure, and discomfort with emotional closeness by one partner. (source--http://tinyurl.com/bwhflav)
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How can you use this information to strengthen the marriages of those you work with? Building and reinforcing the qualities indicated above can be a
great starting point. Using the embedded worksheet, you and your patients can identify areas where attention is needed.
The lowest numbers indicated by either partner will direct you on where to focus. For instance, if engagement is low for one partner, it may be helpful to teach some healthier means of addressing conflict. If excitement is low for the other spouse, perhaps the two of them need to take some risks.
Next: How do you know what to do about it? Agree on some concrete actions to work on. In our above example of engagement, determine what each partner pictures as “engagement”. Maybe one sees that as taking long walks holding hands and discussing issues. Maybe the other partner sees that as giving each other a kiss good bye every time they part. Everyone gets to have their own definition which means they are all
Here’s the kicker……have the couple trade
rating scales with each other. After all, the goal is each partner’s ratings will move higher and higher.
What can each improve on that will lead to higher relationship satisfaction for their partner? Even small
changes can lead to relationship improvements. (You do get credit for effort when you’re working on your
Questions? Comments? Email me at Allison@allisonvelez.com